In an alternative reality, Muslim holidays are the big thing around the world as opposed to Christmas. And like Christmas in our reality, Muslim holidays in the alternative reality have been secularized and commercialized and tons of non-Muslims participate in the “Eid festivities” in their own homes, go to the mall for some last minute “Eid shopping,” and watch classic “Eid movies” with the family.

Instead of Christmas parades, cities have Eid parades. Instead of Secret Santa, there is Secret Qurbani. Instead of ugly Christmas sweaters, you have ugly Eid shalwar kameez. Everyone, Muslim and non-Muslim, gets into the “Eid Spirit.”

But there are always the “conservative” non-Muslims trying to ruin the party and telling people not to take on Muslim holidays, even if it’s mostly cultural because you never know what kinds of beliefs about Allah and Muhammad ﷺ your non-Muslim kids might adopt in midst of celebrating Eid al-Fitr or Eid al-Adha. And before you know it, they might become Muslims, too!

But the “liberals” scoff at this. “Relax!” they say. “Slaughtering a goat is not going to turn Little Johnny into a Muslim! Stop ruining all the fun!”

But alas. Little Johnny eventually did become Muslim. With a huge sunnah beard and the sweetest adhan anyone at his local masjid had ever heard.


Daniel Haqiqatjou

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