Allah says in the Quran,
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ ۖ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ
One of the meanings of this ayah is:
“Evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women.” (Surat An-Nur, 26)
To try to gain a righteous spouse, we must do our best and work our hardest to attain righteousness ourselves. This applies to both men and women.
I often address the biggest problem I see around me, online and offline: women who think they are men, or think they are just like men, or who think they don’t need men, or who think they must compete with men. Basically, feminists.
But there are many non-feminist Muslim women out there, alhamdulillah. And unfortunately, there are some feminist men out there, weak men, unreliable men. Sad but true.
Some sisters want to be traditional women. They long to marry a good man, take care of him as a wife should, stay home to make the house a home, have children and raise them well. They are happy to follow the leadership of a good Muslim husband.
But some men are not cognizant or appreciative of this type of woman or her immense value. Instead of taking full care of his traditional wife, some men ask her to work at a job somewhere because times are rough and the economy isn’t good right now and the cost of living is high.
Instead of loving that she wants to focus on the home and not mix outside with strange men, some men will push their wives outside into the workforce so she can become “a productive member of society” who “contributes” in a real way.
Instead of shouldering the full burden of financial responsibility for the family with masculine strength, some men will look to their wives to split bills with them 50-50.
Of course, each family is different and has its own situation. Some families are forced to have both parents working outside the home to make ends meet and put basic food on the table. Some men try their best, but simply due to extenuating conditions outside their control (like disease, disability, etc.), they are forced to rely on the wife to contribute financially to keep the family afloat. The husband hates his inability to be the sole provider, but he has no choice. This is different.
But when there is a choice and the husband merely chooses to encourage his wife to work without need, this is not a traditional husband. When it’s just a preference of the husband’s that his wife “bring something to the table,” and to him this “something” is a paycheck every two weeks, he is not a traditional husband. If he likes to live extravagantly far beyond his means and sends his wife to work for this silly reason, this is not a traditional husband.
How do you expect to be a leader of the family as a man if you require your wife to make money for you?
Note that these men are much fewer than feminist women.
A traditional Muslim husband is the provider, protector, and leader of the family. He takes his roles seriously and does his utmost to fulfill his obligations according to the deen. He doesn’t expect his wife to do some of his work for him. He’s not a “male feminist” who falls for the flimsy lies of feminism that marriage is 50-50 egalitarianism. No. A traditional man has a deep sense of responsibility and dignity, and his masculinity does not allow him to falter in his duties to provide, protect, and lead.
Traditional men are for traditional women. Traditional women are for traditional men.
Feminist men are for feminist women. Feminist women are for feminist men.
Beautifully explained
“Instead of taking full care of his traditional wife, some men ask her to work at a job somewhere because times are rough and the economy isn’t good right now and the cost of living is high.”
A truely traditional religious wife wouldn’t be interested in marrying a man like this in the first place.
“Instead of loving that she wants to focus on the home and not mix outside with strange men,”
There’s a specific term for these type of men “dayooth”. Cure is simple: do not marry them to begin with. You can filter them out pretty easily. They generally come from secularized homes or are raised by single mothers – and thus are used to women being breadwinners and providers minus a functional male role model. Because of this they have never been initiated into the world of manhood. Which explains their lack of responsibility and assertiveness.
I strive to be traditional husband and wlhi one thing l hate more than seeing a female feminist is a ‘male feminist’ or a father who calls his daughter ‘strong independent woman.’