Marital Dynamics in Islam: Obedience Towards the Husband

If you are a woman who dislikes the idea that a wife should follow and obey her husband, my question to you is this:

Do you dislike it because you dislike the entire concept of obedience and followership in general; and because you believe that a woman’s role in the family should be one of independence and leadership? (So you dislike the very concept of hierarchy in any form and believe only in an egalitarian marriage.)

Simply put, do you feel that you shouldn’t have to follow or obey anyone?

Or

Do you agree with the idea of obedience towards, and following of, the husband? And is it that you don’t think a specific husband should be obeyed or followed if he’s unable to lead due to incompetence? (So you essentially agree with traditional roles within a marriage and believe the husband should be the leader, and you do not want an egalitarian marriage.)

In basic terms, do you feel fine about following the lead of a husband if he is a strong, upright and competent man?

State your position in the comments along with your reasoning. Keep the discussion respectful and civil, please! We are all believers in Allah and the Last Day.

RELATED: In Islam, Husbands Are Leaders. Wives Must Follow

Obedience

The word “obedient” has become extremely misunderstood and stigmatized. This is to the extent that, whenever the term is mentioned, it has become necessary to define it even for our fellow Muslims والله المستعان.

I didn’t make this word up folks.

It’s not “cultural bias” or “the patriarchy” or “misogyny” either.

RELATED: The False Teachings of the Feminist Dogma

We find this in the Qur’an and ahadith:

فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ…

“…so righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard…” (Surat An-Nisa’, 34)

And:

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قِيلَ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَىُّ النِّسَاءِ خَيْرٌ قَالَ ‏ “‏ الَّتِي تَسُرُّهُ إِذَا نَظَرَ وَتُطِيعُهُ إِذَا أَمَرَ وَلاَ تُخَالِفُهُ فِي نَفْسِهَا وَمَالِهَا بِمَا يَكْرَهُ.

Abu Hurayrah narrates that it was said to the Messenger of Allah : ‘Which woman is best?’

He said: ‘The one who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself nor her wealth.'”

Of course, we must clarify and make it very clear that there is no obedience to a created being wherein disobedience to the Creator is entailed.

لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق

لا طَاعَةَ في مَعْصِيَةٍ، إنَّما الطَّاعَةُ في المَعروفِ.

NOTE: To further understand the limitations and guidelines on what obedience to the husband entails, please read the following: Are Wives Responsible for Housework in Islam?

MuslimSkeptic Needs Your Support!
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

15 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Ahmad

Obedience to the husband is one of the many issues of closet atheists – that’s what liberals (including feminists) really are.

They have issues with obedience to Allah and His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم itself. They only believe in obedience to their liberal values and colonial masters.

I’ve seen many liberal females (feminists) as well as males say outright, ‘I need to hear more than ‘because Allah said so, or because the Prophet said so’.

Ahmad

What they really mean by that comment is – ‘I need justification for Islamic injunctions from the western liberal status quo’.

You should be doubling up and asking them to justify their blind faith, unquestioning obedience and absolute taqleed of western strictures, values, and mores, that are ever changing.

It’s not just feminist women, but also a lot of so-called men, some of them even labeled “imams”.

Ahmad

They’re prepping to be a part of the group of dajjal and only those who seek Allah’s protection and strive for it will be protected. May Allah protect us and our families.

We should be questioning their value system and telling them – ‘I need something better than ‘because our liberal values and colonial masters in the Democratic party said so’!

والله ولي التوفيق

Abdullah

I can’t see how a romantic relationship can be enjoyed without the wife’s obedience. That’s why there’s so much adultery and divorce in the West. Because there are no boundaries set in the relationship the way that Islam has set it. Once again we should be grateful for Islam.

Fatiatu Inusah

I agree with obeying and following the husband’s lead. The only time he is disobeyed, like you pointed out, is when is incompetent and inviting his wife to that which is displeasing to Allah (SWT) and his Messenger (SAW).
I hope we all realize that there is absolutely nothing in this world that is worth disobeying Allah for.
May Allah bless us with upright men and obedient women.

Fatiatu Inusah

These liberals are leading us astray and it reminds me of the ayah in suratul Furqan that speaks about a man who would regretfully say on yawmul Qiyaam how he wished he had followed the way of the Messenger (SAW), and not his friend who was calling him towards disobedience.

Zakia

My answer: We hear and we obey. Case closed 👍🏻

Anas

After 10 years of marriage and a long divorce, I lost faith in women. Seeing your comment, I wonder if you actually exist. If you’re married, may Allah bless your marriage. If not, man, I’d love to marry a rare person like you.

Last edited 1 month ago by Anas
Amin

what do you mean? what do you hear and obey? definitely not the words of the husbands, or imams, or parents. We say “we hear and we obey” only regarding what Allah says and what the messenger conveyed from Allah (you probably meant it this way). As for husbands, obey but only after judging if it is in line with Islam. The sentence “We hear and obey” is found multiple times in Qur’an but everytime regarding what Allah says conveyed by the prophet. Like in surah baqarah, ayah 285.

Umm Laith

It makes perfect sense to have that system of the husband as the leader and to obey and follow him in good. As long as he is not disobeying Allah as the hadith mentions. But that needs to be further explained. For example, being married to a man who doesn’t pray(taariku salah) or a man who doesn’t provide, or a man who doesn’t work due to laziness.

والله أعلم

Abdullah

As somebody with an obedient wife, I’m extremely happy, and will always try to do things to make her happy. One of the greatest gifts from Allah.

um abdullah

how come I don’t see any videos or articles on appreciating a good wife and appreciating a good husband. With the amount of messed up woman and men out there today I would appreciate that a little time should be taken for those few out there who are still right minded good husband and wives. So much bad news is always spread why not say how good it is to appreciate a good wife and how to do that and to appreciate a good husband and how to do that. We are both on the same side.

Aina

I think there is a level of obedience in marriage. I mean, if it is disregards Islam as a wife if we think it is unwise to follow then be firm about it. It is about respect and toleration against each other. Besides, some men still believes in patriarchy and misogyny and think they might be superior than women which i think that is not what Islam trying to convey. Women adores men and willing to obey if they are being treated fairly and with respect.

Amin

Islam does have patriacry. otherwise why can’t women be khulafa or imams. men have been made qawwam over wives. it doesn’t mean they are superior. but they are more fit to be in leadership position (and women into some other positions like raising children who will lead the future of humanity which is such a great honour which feminists don’t understand). and to not create chaos you do need leadership in case dispute occurs.

Faiza Ghani

I think husbands should always be obeyed as long as what they are telling you to do will not harm you or anyone else. In my short experience (8 years and counting Alhamdulillah) the best way to earn your husband’s undying devotion, loyalty, love and care is to obey him and show him that respect. This is the best way to earn his trust and slowly you can even influence him and convince him. He will want to be a better man for you and your kids. But obedience and respect is the foundation