Book: The Rights of the Husband & Wife in the Prophetic Hadiths & the Statements of the Scholars

Author: Shaykh ‘Abdul Hadi al-Kharsah

Translated by: Mahdi Lock

Publisher: Ehsan Elk Grove in collaboration with Nawa Books

Date of publication: November, 2022

Disclaimer: I would like to clarify from the very onset that neither myself nor Muslim Skeptic have any affiliation with the publisher, translator, etc., of the book that is the subject of this review, and I have no personal or monetary incentive to impose a favourable outlook upon the book in question. It is simply, in my humble opinion at least, a great book, one that is extremely valuable and important in our current climate, in which ignorance and misconceptions regarding the subject matter of the book are rife among Muslims.

Now that we’ve got that important clarification out of the way, let’s get straight to it. Before we delve into the actual content of what I would personally describe as an absolutely priceless book, however, we should probably start with some basic information regarding what exactly the book is about and some details about the author of the book. Fortunately for us, the translator of the book, Mahdi Lock, has made accessing this information this very easy for us by making it readily available on his personal blog.

Blurb

It is from Allah’s wisdom, Glorified and Exalted is He, that, over time, the Muslims have spread to every corner of the earth. In recent decades, however, this spread has been attributed to several causes, and what has been noticed and is not hidden from anybody who is familiar with the state of Muslims in Western societies is their lacking many of the factors of a social and Islamic upbringing that are normal and customary in Islamic societies. These norms and customs, of course, come from the Revealed Law, whose source is the Book, the Sunnah, the consensus of the Ummah, and the preferred opinions of the imams and scholars. Thus, one of the most important reasons for the social stability that is found in Islamic societies is that life is based on solid foundations that come from the teachings of the Revealed Law.

About the Author

Shaykh ʿAbdul Hādī al-Kharsah was born in Damascus in 1378 AH/1959 CE and graduated from Al-Azhar in 1980. He has taken knowledge from the senior most Muslim scholars of his age and has several chains of transmission in ḥadīth from the senior most ḥadīth scholars.

The shaykh specialises in theology and Ḥanafī fiqh, as well as the educational and behavioural sciences.

He is considered an authority (marjaʿ) in ash-Shām and the leader of a knowledge-based revival. His preaching is distinguished by moderation, accurate understanding, foresight, and conciliation.

Shaykh ʿAbdul Hādī has also authored several works, and they have had a massive influence on students of knowledge and Islamic communities.

General Information

The original book was originally authored and published in the Arabic language as Huquq al-Zawjayn fi ‘l-Ahadith al-Nabawiyyah wa Aqwal al-‘Ulama’, which the translator has rendered into English as The Rights of the Husband & Wife in the Prophetic Hadiths & the Statements of the Scholars. Fortunately, a digital copy of the original Arabic version of the book was also just recently made available online.

The book is available as both hardback and paperback. I personally opted to purchase a paperback edition of the book so as to save myself that little extra bit of shelf space. The book is currently—at the time of writing this book review—available for purchase directly from the publisher, which ships to a number of different countries. In some countries, it can also be purchased via Amazon. I may be wrong, but from what I can tell, the hardback edition seems to only be available for order via Amazon.

The actual book is printed on standard white paper and is 122 pages long. It is prefaced with a publisher’s foreword, a brief biography of the author and an introduction to the book by its author. I have decided to reproduce most of the publisher’s foreword here in order to provide some valuable insight into the purpose for which this specific publication was commissioned, and I’m sure you’ll find it quite enlightening:

It is from Allah’s wisdom, Glorified and Exalted is He, that, over time, the Muslims have spread to every corner of the earth. In recent decades, however, this spread has been attributed to several causes, and what has been noticed and is not hidden from anybody who is familiar with the state of Muslims in Western societies is their lacking many of the factors of a social and Islamic upbringing that are normal and customary in Islamic societies. These norms and customs, of course, come from the Revealed Law, whose source is the Book, the Sunnah, the consensus of the Ummah, and the preferred opinions of the imams and scholars. Thus, one of the most important reasons for the social stability that is found in Islamic societies is that life is based on solid foundations that come from the teachings of the Revealed Law.

This is one of the most important things that Islamic communities living in Western societies are deprived of, for there is a certain portion of the society that constitutes a margin of safety for Islamic families in Islamic societies, this portion is completely absent in Western societies. The reasons for this are many, and they include a lack of any Islamic social structure, the absence of norms and customs that are based on the foundations of the Revealed Law, and the fact that many Western customs outweigh Islamic rulings in the lives of some Muslims. These customs have become so engrained in Muslims that they have become a reference for their behaviour and conduct. Perhaps the gravest and most important reason is that many Muslims are only remotely concerned with the rulings of the Islamic Revealed Law in general and the rulings concerning the family in particular. In their understanding of Islam, they are content to confine themselves to some — not all — of the integrals of faith (al-iman) and Islam, and they feel reassured that by carrying out just these integrals that they are doing enough to be within the fold of Islam. As for the rulings and legislations that are beyond these integrals, they have no interest in them. They make no effort to learn and they have no regrets about their ignorance.

All of the above, as well as other reasons that would take a long time to explain, is what has pushed Ehsan Elk Grove, in cooperation with Nawa Books, to translate the book, Huquq az-Zawjayn by Shaykh ‘Abdul Hadi al-Kharsah into English and to make it available for Muslims all over the world, especially the Islamic communities in Western societies. We hope that it will help make Muslims aware of the rights that the magnanimous Revealed Law of Islam has laid down, and we ask the Most Generous Lord to accept this deed from us, purely for His sake, and that He place goodness and benefit in it for all Muslims.

So there you have it. As you can see, this book was published as part of a noble endeavour towards educating Muslims regarding important aspects of Islam that they are, for the most part, completely ignorant of. Islam has been revealed as a complete and perfect guidance for mankind, governing every aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, however, due to many Muslims having been indoctrinated by the dominant ideologies of the day, through social engineering, etc., they have abandoned essential portions of this divine guidance, succumbing instead to foreign ideologies that are completely incompatible with Islam, such as secularism, liberalism and feminism. I would not be exaggerating in saying that the vast majority of Muslims in the Western world today, as well as many Muslims in Muslim lands, have been afflicted with and have, whether knowingly or unknowingly, adopted some or other aspects of these ideologies.

This problem becomes compounded by the fact that many Muslims choose to remain ignorant regarding a large portion of the rulings of Islam related to their everyday life, including those pertaining to the family unit. They simply take such things for granted, assuming they instinctively know what their rights and responsibilities are, as well as those that are due upon others. The unfortunate reality, however, is that their basic assumptions are actually based on the indoctrination and social engineering that they have been subjected to for years on end, through Western educational systems, media, etc.

A significant portion of the Muslims, at least in the West, have become secularised to varying degrees. They see their religion as something that is restricted only to personal acts of worship. Many have an aversion towards the very thought of things like Shari’ah, Khilafah, Hudud, etc., and they revere things such as democracy and “human rights.” This is by design. They have been conditioned from childhood to think this way. They are constantly being taught and persuaded to assimilate and give up their “backwards” ideas in favour of the ideals of the “mighty West,” to abandon their own values and to instead adopt the values of those who seek to make religion an irrelevant remnant of the past.

Social dynamics are pretty easy to understand. Either you’ll influence others or they’ll influence you. This is one of the greatest dangers of living as a Muslim minority in a non-Muslim governed territory and why educating ourselves regarding the teachings of Islam in relation to every aspect of our lives is so crucial. Ultimately, if you are not firm in your own knowledge and beliefs, you are prone to being swayed to and fro, whichever way the wind blows, and you’ll be none the wiser.

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The Contents of the Book

Let us now dive into the contents of the actual book itself. It commences with a brief section titled “The Qur’anic Verses That Discuss Marriage,” which is exactly what it says on the label. The author has succinctly gathered the verses of the Qur’an related to marriage without any additional commentary.

This is followed by “Part One” of the book, “The Rights of the Husband over the Wife,” which spans from page 7 all the way through to page 42. This section consists of 26 prophetic narrations (ahadith) along with the commentary of Shaykh ‘Abd al-Hadi al-Kharsah. Next, we have “Part Two” of the book, “On the Hadiths that Elucidate the Rights of the Wife over the Husband.” This section, extending from page 43 through to page 84, consists of a further 26 prophetic narrations, once again with the commentary of the author. These two sections make up the bulk of the book. However, there’s more. We then have a conclusion, which is divided into two parts:

• Part One: What the Scholars Have Said (two pages, from page 85 to page 86)
• Part Two: Some of what the Righteous First Three Generations Have Said, and Some Advice for Husbands and Wives (three pages, from page 87 to page 89)

This is then followed by the final section of the book, which is a lengthy appendix (from page 91 to page 122) comprised of 140 points “Mentioning some of the Articles on Personal Status and Rulings in the Revealed Law Connected to the Husband and Wife and the Family.”

Every page in this book contains important knowledge and rulings related to marriage, as well as priceless advice for the husband and wife. As for the reason behind behind the compilation of this book, the author concludes his introduction to the book with the following words:

I have chosen fifty Prophetic hadiths, some of which are authentic (sahih) and some of which are good (hasan), and I have briefly expounded each one. I have done so so that I can present this as a gift to every house in an age in which there is a lot of conflict, conflict that, perhaps, often leads to divorce. The reason is ignorance of the rulings of Allah’s religion and bad character on the part of the husband or the wife. I hope that Allah the Glorified will use it to bring about benefit, and that He will make it a means of reconciliation between people, and that it will illuminate the path for everyone. Allah is the One who grants success. He suffices me and He is the Best of Guardians. Peace be upon those whom Allah has sent, and all praise is due to Allah, Lord of all Creation.

‘Abdul Hadi Muhammad al-Kharsah

May Allah accept it from him, may we be able to benefit from this great service of his to the Muslim ummah, and may Allah bless us in our marriages—causing them to endure all the way into Jannah and forever more—and allow us to live in accordance to His most perfect and blessed Shari’ah. Amin.

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The Rights of the Husband Over the Wife

This section of the book will likely be the most shocking to the reader who has not formally studied a classical legal manual on the fiqh (jurisprudence) of marriage with a teacher. The reason for this is that many of today’s celebrity preachers on social media and YouTube shy away from discussing the rights of men altogether, often due to modern-day liberal feminist sensibilities. We have countless supposed “imams” who simply enjoy the “likes and shares” they get from sisters too much, and they cower in fear of being “cancelled” and receiving backlash from women who have been infected with the disease that is feminism. They pander only to their female crowd, often distorting the true teachings of Islam and perverting their understanding of vital aspects of Islam. These individuals are nothing but spineless simps who feed off of the attention they receive from unsuspecting women.

It is for this reason that it has been suggested by some people that the translation of this work, authored by a renowned scholar—one who is not compromised with all the ideological baggage we find in so many within the West—, into the English language is a goundbreaking development. It has the potential to greatly undo the years of simping peddled by these unfit simp “imams,” simping which has been at the expense of many men and women suffering and, without any exaggeration whatsoever, torn apart and destroyed otherwise completely healthy marriages. Many of you have probably heard of families that have broken apart because of the twisted da’wah of these simp “imams.” I personally know a number of individuals whose marriages fell apart because of certain celebrity speakers deluding women into believing that they have zero responsibilities and accountability (in fact often empowering them to sin more openly) and that they are to essentially be worshipped by their husbands; and telling men that they must be submissive and subservient dayyuths (cuckolds) towards their wives and that they are always to blame for everything. Both of these ideas are extremely detrimental and destructive to marital dynamics.

RELATED: Against the Feminization of Islamic Scholarship

According to the Shari’ah, the husband and the wife each have their own individual roles and responsibilities within a marriage. Though marriage is most certainly not only about rights and responsibilities, these are still very significant things, the importance of which should never be downplayed. Yes, the husband and the wife are a team of two, a pair who complement one another. Yes, they go out of their way for each other. Yes, they strive to make each other happy. Yes, they help and support one another. Yes, they work together towards building a strong and stable family. However, none of this entails that they each have to forego their personal rights that they have been granted by Allah. None of this means that one party has to shoulder most of the responsibilities of the other, in addition to their own, in trying to appease their partner to avoid the complete and utter breakdown of their marriage.

I will share a few excerpts from this chapter below and, as you’ll see—contrary to popular opinion (due to the endless pathetic simping of contemporary simp “imams”—, husbands actually do have rights within marriage! Yes, you heard that right my friends.

Of course, I can’t exactly quote the entire book here (though that would be fantastic), so I will suffice with some selected quotes from the commentary to some of the prophetic narrations included in this section.

Pay attention brothers and sisters. This ride is about to get bumpy.

Quote 1

The Prophet ﷺ makes it clear to us that the person who has the greatest right over a woman is her husband, and therefore a Muslim woman should not give any created being precedence over her husband in obedience and service, not even her parents, unless it is one of their rights that is stipulated in the Revealed Law. Thus, if the father or mother were to command the wife to disobey her husband and not obey him, it would be obligatory upon her, in the Revealed Law, not to obey them, because neither of them is to be obeyed in such a situation. (p.7)

Quote 2

This hadith clarifies the wife’s obligation to serve her husband, and it is an obligation that is diyanah and not qada’.* It is one of the doors of drawing nearer to Allah’s pleasure (Mighty and Majestic is He); thus when a woman prepares her husband’s food, washes his clothes, and so forth, it is written down as a good deed and something that will be rewarded. Therefore, a Muslim woman must serve her husband and seek Allah’s the Glorified’s pleasure by doing so, and expect her reward from him. If she is motivated by love and free will to carry out this obligation, her reward with Allah the Glorified will be greater. (p.9)

*(tn): i.e. it is an obligation between her and her Lord (Mighty and Majestic is He) and not an obligation that may be enforced by the judge (qadi).

RELATED: Are Wives Responsible for Housework in Islam?

Quote 3

In her husband’s house, a woman is not to perform any supererogatory acts of worship without his permission, especially supererogatory worship that would result in his being denied his right, such as fasting. Thus, a woman’s readying herself for her husband and constantly being in a state of ritual purity and cleanliness so that she can be at his command and request is greater than all supererogatory acts. (p.18)

Quote 4

This hadith shows that it is unlawful for a woman to ask her husband for a divorce without a valid justification in the Revealed Law. If she does so, she is denied entrance into Paradise and she will not even find its scent, even though its scent reaches a distance of five hundred years. (p.30)

I think I’ll just leave it here for now. There are simply far too many things in this section that would be absolutely shocking revelations to Muslims who have constantly had liberalism and feminism shoved down their throats and duped into thinking that Islam teaches the ideas espoused by these ideologies.

The Rights of the Wife Over the Husband

Now, don’t get me wrong. This book is not some kind of weapon for men to go around throwing at their wives. Sure, it contains many things that people may find hard to digest at first, due to years of being fed false information by simp “imams,” but it also discusses what our wives are due from us as their loving and caring husbands.

Let’s get this straight, it is not just feminism that plagues the minds of Muslims. We also live in an era full of irresponsible manboys, effeminate soyboys, negligent squanderers, raging brutes, filthy degenerates (applies to both men and women), etc. The list goes on and on.

A woman is due good treatment from her husband. She is to be loved, taken care of and cared for by him. Her safety and wellbeing is his responsibility. She is to be honoured by her husband and not dishonoured by him. She is not to be led astray by him and lured into sin. Allah has charged us with saving our families from the fire.

O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [designated] angels, [dreadfully] stern and severe. They do not disobey Allah in whatever He commands them. [Indeed,] they do whatever they are commanded. (Qur’an, 66:6)

What follows are a few selected quotes from this section of the book.

Quote 1

It is obligatory on the husband to spend on his wife and children with courtesy and kindness, without any waste or squander. It is unlawful for him to leave them without any food or clothing. The Prophet ﷺ has said: {It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those he is supposed to feed.} And in another narration: {…those who are dependant on him.} (Related by Abu Dawud (1442), an-Nasa’i (9177), and al-Hakim (4/44))

It is obligatory on the husband not to strike his wife violently such that it causes injury or fracture. He must also avoid striking the face, because that is where most of the senses are found, as well as her beauty and nobility. Furthermore, he must not disfigure her. The believer does not disdain anything that Allah has created, for indeed Allah did not disdain it when He created it. Thus the Muslim does not say to his wife: ‘May Allah disfigure you!’ He does not insult her and he does not make her hear what she dislikes. He must not avoid her unless it is at home, and thus he does not banish her to her family’s house or anyone else’s. He does not make her sleep in another room. Rather, if she is being contumacious, he sleeps with her in the same bed and turns his back to her until she repents. Allah the Exalted has said: “…refuse to sleep with them…” [an-Nisa’], i.e. refuse to have intercourse with them only.

It is understood from this hadith that it is obligatory to respect the wife’s person and not demean it, and by doing so, we strengthen her person and make her a force that is capable of withstanding the ideological and social trends that aim to corrupt her so that she falls into chasms of depravity and sin. (pp.43-44)

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Quote 2

This hadith shows that it is the woman’s right over the man that he have intercourse with her with courtesy and kindness, to the extent that it protects her and keeps her chaste. […]

The penetration should be from the front, because that is how a child is produced, and it is permissible to penetrate the front via the back. […]

As for penetrating the anus, this is unlawful and a major sin, and it has never been permitted on the tongue of any Prophet (peace be upon them). Furthermore, no respected imam has ever said that it is permissible, and anyone who attributes its permissibility to anyone in the First Three Generations is lying. This is because the anus is a place of harm, and because the woman has a right over the man to have intercourse.

Penetrating her anus causes her right to be lost. Her desire is not met and her objective is not attained. It harms the man as well as the woman and it is one of the greatest means of their blessings being lost and their being afflicted with trials. It necessitates curses and loathing from Allah. If a man does this to his wife, she is not divorced. If he wants her to do it again, she is to take her case to the judge,* and he thus separates between them, as has been stated by the jurists.** (pp.47-48)

*Ar. al-qadi

**Ar. fuqaha’

Quote 3

This hadith shows that whatever a man spends on his family he is rewarded for it, as long as it is from lawful earnings, with nothing unlawful or dubious involved. It should also not be extravagant or wasteful, nor should he intend ostentation or reputation by it. He is even rewarded for the morsel of that he puts in his wife’s mouth and feeds it to her; it is considered charity* on his part. This kind of affection, beautiful companionship, and noble manners is what so many Muslims need, especially in times in which ignorance has become widespread and overflowing. (p.79)

Note to the dogged feminists out there: I have included one fewer quote here as a couple of the quotes are much longer and more encompassing, not because—Allah forbid—the rights of the wife are any less important than those of the husband.

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Conclusion

The first part of the conclusion is pretty straightforward. The author simply lists a number of the rights that the husband and wife have over one another, as mentioned by the scholars. This section is extremely valuable, and it is very easy to follow and absorb.

The second part of the conclusion is a beautiful collection of profound, powerful and also inspirational quotes. I would just like to share a couple of these here for the benefit of the reader.

‘Abdullah ibn Ja’far (may Allah be pleased with both of them) advised his daughter by saying: ‘Beware of jealousy, for it is the key to divorce. Beware of a lot of blaming, for it leads to hatred. You must use kohl, for it is the most beautiful ornament, and the purest of all pure things is water.’

If you take a woman to be your wife, be a father, mother, and brother to her, because she is leaving her father, her mother, and her brothers in order to be with you. Therefore, it is right that she see in you the graciousness of a father, the tenderness of a mother, and the gentleness of a brother. Then you will be a husband who is granted success.

Appendix

This final section is perhaps one of the most valuable parts of this entire book. It consists of an extensive selection of 144 rulings related to marriage and family. These include rulings related to things like proposing, marriage contracts, suitability, who one is and isn’t allowed to marry, validity, the guardian, the dowry, marital obligations, providing accommodation, obedience, disciplining the wife, division of time between wives, divorce and the post-marital waiting period (‘iddah). These are all issues regarding which ignorance is rampant and widespread within our communities. People get married without ever learning anything about them. They just assume they know everything already and end up committing sins in every direction or, in the worst case scenario, even inadvertently nullifying their marriage completely.

Final Remarks

This book is an absolute gem and a priceless and wonderful addition to the unadulterated, orthodox Islamic literary treasure trove that is available in the English language. Of course, if you are able to do so, I would personally advise reading the original Arabic. Some things just have a greater and more lasting impact in Arabic. Nevertheless, I would highly recommend purchasing a copy of this book and adding it to your library. Tell others about it. Gift it to people.

Have an open mind, supplicate to Allah for guidance and bismillah. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or looking to get married, if you’re a male or a female. Give this book a complete and thorough read, try and implement everything you learn from it, and let it improve or even save your marriage. If you’re not yet married, then consider reading the book yourself and getting your potential future spouse to read it from cover to cover before making a decision. Know what you’re getting into. If there are any red flags to be seen (such as a man with no ghayrah or a woman with feminist tendencies), this book will certainly draw them out.

If they are sincere and willing to submit to the dictates of the Shari’ah, alhamdulillah.

If they’re triggered by the teachings of Islam, they’ve probably been indoctrinated or they’ve been brainwashed by the un-Islamic liberal feminist hippie nonsense peddled by their favourite celebrity “imam” in the name of Islam. Either way, you’ll want to stay far away from such a person as marrying them will only be a recipe for disaster.

Remember, Islam is our guide, in everything. Don’t choose to remain ignorant of its teachings. Every element of Islam incorporated into your life will yield immense and unimaginable blessings. Marriage is one of the most important relationships that you will ever experience. Ensure every aspect of it is dictated by Islam.

May Allah bless and reward the author, the translator, the publisher and the reader, and may Allah accept it from all of them. May Allah grant us the true understanding of His most perfect religion, and may He save us from all of the encroaching ideologies that seek to undermine and distort the true teachings of Islam. Amin.

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